First day of my last year, it was….average. Though I did see some cute faces and by that I mean I only saw 2 cute people. I only had calculus today, that was fun…people glared at me when I told them my very empty schedule. XD poor sods. I’m looking forward to whatever events that may unravel this year.

you have no idea how badly I would love to kill you. but I have to be mature about this and follow up on my promises. promises stating that lead with me never going on facebook for a long time in fear of destroying you.

I swear something is terribly wrong about me. When brought to the question:”who at school do you like most?” I always draw a blank, personally I figured that no one at the school was “my type” so to speak. Of course a conversation always leads to multiple more. When considering celerity crushes and girl crushes, I’ve come to realise one statement, non of them are my age. so why is it that randomly, my mind sparks and fills it self with images of one person who is both my age and in my school. Torturous feeling it was. The desire for someone in such a way, it was bizarre, I’ve never liked anyone like this and I’ve had a lot f crushes. I know it’s not love but never less I can’t help but understand that I need to do something about it. Also, I’m too worried about tainting the person by letting them know how I feel, as if it’s like my evil suffocating them. Something is wrong with me and I can’t fix it.

Dear dreams;

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME! like what do you want me to do about this stuff??? The taunting, oh god the taunting, WHYYYY. school, sex, violence, repeat. and from what I can derive from you guys, IT’S NOT MY FAULT. There’s a balance in life that I follow, and I can’t help it when I have to go off and martyr myself. When shit happens I take the shit, no matter the psychological damage. oh and btw, stop using people I know for cameos, it’s really disturbing.

I am really filled with hatred towards my family. I’m getting sick of everything that happens, that is demanded from me alone. everything. I know what I want to do with my life, and I don’t want any interruptions. Leave me alone.

is by far, one of my most favorite movies ever, and I haven’t finished it yet. at this moment I’m watching it and it’s by far better than anything else I’ve seen. though it’s probably not fair since this is the first time I watched this movie, where as I’ve watched every other movie like multiple times. lol.

I have a tiny problem, it’s really hard for me to look people in the eye. It’s not because I’m lieing to them, it’s not because I’m trying to be rude. Basically, I’m afraid of what they’ll see in my eyes, the truth about me, the things I’ve been trying to keep quiet for a long time now. For each person I hide something else, the fact that I have an inner animal is a main topic most don’t know about me. Actually I don’t think anyone in particular know about it in detail. I have an inner thirst, and it’ll never go away, I’ll always want. Want the constant companion in which I could forever feed upon. Of course, semi-metaphorically. The taste, the scent, all my senses spiked momentarily right when I’m near someone, particularly when in a state in which one of my senses spikes. Once I event look at someone, specially in the eyes, everything just happens, suddenly I just crave everything about that person. IT drives me insane sometimes, and I can’t always control myself. Luckily, I’ve gotten good at self control, otherwise, well, I’d be in a padded room or something. Of course when I say people/person it’s usually because I never really put any regards towards gender. As noticed from prior post. Intimacy sadly is only acceptable when one is dating another, and thus I am stuck always in my thirst. I want someone to save me, and frankly I’m getting tired of waiting.

Dear gorgeous,

I hope I don’t come off as creepy. I have issues when I fall for someone, troubles, urges. I can’t help but keep thinking that I can’t handle my instints, to want, and I end up broken. But once I know that it’s okay,I promise to love you more than anyone else can. I know how much I can love you, I just hope you could appriciate my work. haha I don’t really know what to say exactly, but neverless I hope we can have fun.

“She’s/He’s pretty cute/hot”

‘Euph, she’s/he’s taken’

“that appears to be a problem of mine…”

Dear Kelvin,

I’d like to think we’re best friends mainly because of the sheer amount we know about each other. We talk just about every night and it usually starts with how my day was, then your day, then we go off in some weird convo’s that ranges from which boob size is best to bunnies vs frogs. I’d like to thank you for letting me know who you are and allowing me to help you with everything. The fact that you never reject me no matter how weird I get is something I cherish, because, well, I don’t really have anyone else. Yes I have Trish, but I understand that Trish has her friends and her own issues, and that is something I don’t want to overly disturbe. You on the other hand are my friend and my bestest friend, and I hope we can stay like this for a while cuz god knows how much I’m gonna need your support in the upcoming years.

I’m sorry about the whole Edisa thing but really, it’s almost perfectly paralleled to Trish except more compact and easier for a guy like you to understand. your fucking yourself up, and I can’t stand it. Stop being a broken toy and start being a mechanical wonder. I’m trying my best to ensure that you develope right, that you don’t become a douche bag, to make sure you stay open minded. but sometimes I wonder if I’m actually helping you or making it worse. probably worse. I”m sorry, but in the long run, it’s better. I hope.

Euph